you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
