the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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