I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
