Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize