Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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