He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
