there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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