I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
