You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You ruined the universe
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
