Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
