a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
