I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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