btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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