Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize