Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize