Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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