Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
