Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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