Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
