I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
