Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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