I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
