After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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