Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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