And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
