We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
