My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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