every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
