i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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