So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
