Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
