It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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