If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
