i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
