What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize