just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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