I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Im part way to drunk.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
