rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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