When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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