I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
