Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
