im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
