k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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