I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
