hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sorry about my life...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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