Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
