i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
