I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
