Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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