who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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