Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
