he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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