the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's blow job season.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
