It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
