i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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