new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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