everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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