could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
