I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
