my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
