help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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