I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
