He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
