Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
