I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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