Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
