Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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