I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
