How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
