in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
