I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize