I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize