Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
