I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My bed smells like the plague
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
