Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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