I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
