so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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