the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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