Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
