peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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