ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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