I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
