Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
