I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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