Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
