someone threw a dead crab at me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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