i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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