It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
