Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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