remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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