i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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